11 PM Thoughts.

The word ‘love’ is just a mere word,

An empty word, a meaningless word.

The word ‘forever’ is just a mere wish,

Even we all will end up buried and forgotten.

At least that’s how I perceived it.

Call me a skeptic, but it’s coming from someone who used to believe in it— before a certain event became a turning point that changed my perspective completely.

I gave my heart to a wrong person and he decided to throw it away and break it, like it’s just a piece of junk. It took me two years... two years to pick up the shattered pieces and stick it all together. I recovered it, with a lot of holes because some of the pieces are way too small to be glued.

Since then, my heart became as fragile as a flower and I shut my self from any approaching men to avoid breaking it again.

Until one day, this particular person came into my life. I wasn’t expecting anything, he was a friend. We only made small talks, until it gradually became a constant text, and eventually to countless calls. We clicked as fast as snapping a finger, and soon I realised that I’m catching feeling. I tried to hold back the feeling because l know it took me years to just heal myself, and I wasn’t even completely healed yet. I kept my heart shut, just like the flower in Beauty and The Beast. 

He told me directly that he felt the same thing. I tried to ignore my feeling and told him that I enjoy talking to him too and that’s it. But each day, I find myself waiting for his replies and craving to hear his voice again. I told myself maybe I’m just comfortable by the way he made me feel. Until one day, I decided to open my heart and say “I think I’m falling for you” and since then, we’re inseparable.

We call most nights, we text everyday, and the best part is... I get to hug him everyday. I didn’t have a big expectation from this relationship. All I know is he makes me happy and that’s it. I can focus on healing myself now, hoping that he would help too.

And he did.

The thing with him is he really love to make small cute gestures like looking at my eyes and make me blush, caressing my hair every time I lean on him, or randomly kissing my head or hand in the middle of a conversation. He never get tired of telling me that I’m beautiful when I feel like i’m not— and it happens everyday. I can safely say I’ve never felt so loved and honestly I feel like he came as a blessing. A blessing to help me change my perspective towards love.

I came to a realisation that not every guy will break you. If you’re in a shit relationship you must be brave to break it off and focus on your own happiness, because you will find someone who will help you mend your broken heart. You will find someone who will return the love that you give to them. Even if it takes two years or maybe more. You have to go through a sea of mud to get to the blue ocean. Therefore, be patient.