What happens after...

 I used to look forward coming home from the campus, cause I can log on to my laptop and have a video call with my favourite person. After that evening, we talked about our uncertain future while sitting outside a fast food joint—accompanied by the thunder, as if it was mourning for us. For witnessing two hearts that really wants to be one, sacrificing their feelings for their clan. That Monday, we were crying. The universe was crying for us too, and we were all grieving.

Now, a few days has passed. I come home to an empty feeling. I come home just to rest my head, hoping I can get away from this— from the reality. I wake up in the morning, struggling to pick up my world that just fell apart. As my friend said to me: “slow and steady. One breath at a time.” I try to pick up the pieces, trying to recollect myself, as I drag myself to face the day. And I believe, he’s having the same struggle. 

He told me to let go of him. As quickly as possible, and…that’s impossible. At least for me. I know I didn’t lose him as my best friend. We’re still very close. But losing him as my significant other has left me a scar, especially knowing that it wasn’t what we both want. And to be frank, it feels like a part of me is missing. Every night, I fall asleep with a fear that one day he decides to leave me for good, completely out of my life and then I wake up feeling even worse.

Tonight, I’m writing this as an escape. Trying to let out all the emotions while slowly trying to pull myself up from this deepest pit of darkness. I’m trying. Slow and steady. One breath at a time.